Sometimes My Brother Hates Me & That’s Okay

reciepe for disstaerHere’s my new catch phrase:

Teenagers are the worst.

-Izzy Frost

Favorite quotes from the twins: “I hate this place.” “Get off my back.” “Our family’s always fighting.” and “You’re crazy”.

Well duhh I’m crazy- I agreed to raise teenagers!

The worst part about it is these comments come after asking to go over homework, trying to see a class schedule, needing to know what the plans are after school- are they going somewhere with friends or coming straight home, asking them to take on some responsibility of setting up their own sleepover, or having to work late and asking them to cook their own dinner (they are 16 in October).

Don’t get me wronge these kids are two wonderful human beings but sometimes I need to remind myself of that- like recite a mantra aloud remind myself. Poppy and I may go head to head but we breath, come back, talk about it openly, find solutions, and move on. My brother- not so much. He’s not a talker and even when you think things are better- he holds grudges. I love him but I really think he hates me sometimes- hates me, hates me. I told one of my co-workers this and she was like, “Well duhh, he’s a teenager and your his parent.” I understand that with parenting I’ll be responsible for my fair share of therapy sessions when he’s older but I don’t want to be responsible for all of them. I don’t want to be the bad guy that takes the hit for all of his anger.

I’m giving up the last years of my 20’s to take care of these two people as they transform into adults with a hope that maybe possibly one day they will understand what a big sacrifice Charlie and I have made to help them have everything they want and become kind, functioning, and mostly happy human beings.

My brother got physical the other day after I tried to take away his cellphone because he would’t go over his homework- he’s tall and strong. I don’t think he knows his strength but when he gets mad he’s like the hulk. He’s done this with all three of his sisters and broken a door frame slamming it. Here’s the thing. He’s a really good kid and handles a lot of bullshit. He’s been through so much- but so have the rest of us.

Charlotte and I had to make some changes. He’s not learning how to drive until he’s able to handle following instructions with his current freedoms. He’s starting football but if he’s ever physical or uses his size for intimidation he will have to sit out of the next game.

His aggression is fine on the field but the moment the aggression comes off the field so does he.

-someone really smart

I remember being younger and being so made at my dad and telling him that I hated him- which was so far from the truth. He was just the person that dictated my world and as a teen that person is always the bad guy. My dad would say, “Well sometimes that’s how a parent knows their doing a good job.”

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes My Brother Hates Me & That’s Okay

  1. Hey, this is my first time reading your blog and I am sorry for your lost and congratulations of taking care of your siblings! It seems you’re having trouble keeping together a schedule, then you should check out the cozi app, it’s a manager that links everyone’s schedule together in one cohesive place. Hope this helps: http://www.cozi.com/

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  2. Hey cuz,
    Sue and Alison told me about the sib raising sibs community. Awesome idea! I think you guys are awesome for raising the twins. My middle guy is now 16 so I hear ya girl! He gets so angry at me. Just for stuff like not getting the right food! Crazy hormone suff at this age. My Grandmother (Evelyn- your great uncle Denis’ wife) used to say that we needed to be fed when we would start fighting :). Truer words were never said.
    With the homework- I gave up long ago. I figure they know more than me now anyway. I pick my battles. The kids know well enough now that if they don’t do well then they won’t get where they want to go. The boys seem to have their eye on the ball now- two years of summer school put them on the university track. Summer school worked well to make them realize they are the only ones who can do it. I no longer have to even ask about homework. Now I feed and cloth them. Get them where they need to go listen when they need me to and hug them as much as they will let me. They just need to know I’m here if they need me.
    Keep up the great work and don’t forget to pick the battles wisely. It helps me to remember that it’s the hormones talking when the kids get irrational and angry. ( boy do we have some silly fights before supper)

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