I’m 26. I have worked steadily since graduating from college. I have a savings I have worked hard for. I am responsible- I mean come on, the court gave me the honor of raise two 14 year olds. Enough said.
But somehow- for the first time in years- I need a cosigner to rent an apartment.
It’s really hit me, I don’t have anyone to look after me. I have a lot of support but I really don’t have my dad- my single amazing wonderful father who believed in me even when I didn’t. Now’s that moment when the true feeling of loss slips itself in unexpectedly- people have been warning me about this moment. I’m so busy taking care of everyone else. It hits me.
“Who’s going to take care of me now?”
It’s not even a selfish need for someone to take care of me- I need someone to believe in me so I can take care of the twins. I’m lucky- my life is blessed. How do other older siblings find homes when they don’t have the resources and community that I do? I’d be fine with moving to a less expensive area but the twins need their circle- and truth be told- I need the Friday Night Group.
Charlotte walks into the apartment and finds me in pajamas and tears at 3pm. She doesn’t ask any questions. She sites down next to me on the couch (which is also my bed) and just holds me.
“Everything’s going to be okay. Somehow everything always works out for us.”
The thing is, everything has always worked out even when I don’t think it will because of my dad. He always found a way to take care of us. I realize now,
“Everything will be okay- I’m going to make it okay.”
Part of making this new dynamic work is knowing that it’s okay to ask for help. I just left three voice mails on family friends’ phones. Hopefully one of them will be able to believe in me and be in a position to help.